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If you like party’s, event’s, photo shoot’s, and bicycle’s, but don’t know that plural word’s don’t require apostrophe’s, then please contact me before any posting’s. I will gladly proofread so I don’t have to read another mis-apostrophed ad in search for a gig that better fit’s me. Thank’s. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: no pay

A quick note about boobs – m4w
Memo to Female Readers — I’m just curious if you know this — guys will do pretty much anything in order to play with your boobs. You know this already, right? Sometimes I wonder, given all the emotional and logistical acrobatics you go through. In fact, if you end your MC posts with …”oh, and you can play with my boobs, too,” you’ll most likely find what you’re looking for. That’s when the real misery and disappointment begins, however, but that’s outside the scope of this quick, heartfelt, holiday memo. Okay. Carry on. Love, Michael Location: interoffice memo it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

To the hipster dude who did my lesbian roommate that one time
As much as I appreciate the zombie Mr. T you sketched (that is hung on our refrigerator, by the way), there are a few things we need to set straight. I had reservations about you from the beginning; I thought you might suffer from a chronic case of Cool Kid Syndrome. Despite my feminine appearance, I have a long history of having dated nerds/geeks. Some of them played table top RPGs, some were programmers, most of them were socially awkward. I am a nerd. I have mad nerd pride. I learn things for no good reason, think science is the coolest thing EVAR, sometimes snort when I laugh, and get the XKCD jokes. Perhaps it was the black-framed glasses and my state of well-groomedness, but you had somehow mistaken me for a Reg. And then you DISPARAGED MY PEOPLE. This is unforgivable. Nerds have long suffered at the hands of jocks and at the jabs of hipsters like yourself. I don’t tolerate that shit. Weighing in at around 145 pounds and spending your days flipping through vinyls and sketching in your Moleskin leads me to believe that I can totally take you in a fist fight. Or simply mess up your faux hawk and send you packing on your fixed-gear, singing My Chemical Romance to yourself through the tears leaking out under your aviator sunglasses. From that moment on, I refused to talk to you. I stopped calling you by your name and, instead, began referring to you as “Toolbox.” My roommate, who was desperate for attention, wanted to be friends with you. She scoffed at my suggestion that you were only hanging around to get in her pants. Her dating life has been not-so-great since we moved to Austin. She either skipped, or was asleep during, the life lesson on humility. That’s fine for dudes because she has big knockers, but women have been less receptive, and I suspect that it has something to do with all conversations being steered towards her. As she is new to the whole “lesbian thing” I can forgive her for falling of the cootch wagon and sleeping with a guy or two along the trail. But why, oh sweet Jesus why, did it have to be you? After that one time you did my lesbian roommate, you didn’t come a callin’. I sometimes lie awake at night and speculate… Was it just for the thrill of the lesbian conquest? Cock beats all? Or was it because she did the pretty girl I’m-going-to-lay-here-like-a-dead-fish-while-you-do-me thing? I accept that correlation does not necessarily indicate causation but I’m highly suspicious of your intentions, sir. Either way, she has instead chosen to blame me for your recent attendance record. Even if that were the case, your fear of me was only powerful enough to keep you away after you dipped it in my vag gnoshing roommie. Thank you for making domestic relations difficult. This interaction has only reinforced the judgments I pass on people in skinny jeans. Location: North it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Drunk girl wrangler
Muscular man closely resembling Hugh Jackman needed to take care of 3 or more drunk girls this weekend. Duties may include but are not limited to drink orders, store runs for cigarettes, fix it kits for inflatable devices, breaking up girl fights, holding hair during any puking, and keeping the dudes off of the 2 married chicks. Experience in CPR and a psyche degree helpful. We don’t mind perverts just don’t get it on us. Applicants with pics will be considered. Location: Downtown Austin it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests it’s OK to distribute this charitable volunteerism opportunity for inclusion in 3rd party web sites that have been approved by craigslist

I hate what America has become
There are so many reasons that frankly, it’s hard to pick a place to start: First of all…..when 28% of you brain dead fucking morons give a blithering IDIOT like Sarah Palin positive approval ratings and think she ought to run for president in 2012, it really makes me sick to know I am lumbered with that many mouth-breathing Cro-Magnons I unfortunately have to consider as my fellow countrymen….trust me…..I don’t. You motherfuckers are beyond help. And before you go thinking this is a “liberal” based rant…..that brings me to one more item on an ever-lengthening list. This “Liberal” versus “Conservative” paradigm that so many of you simple dunces buy into…..as BOTH parties sell you out to the multinational corporations, banks and special interests that actually run Washington D.C.)…..you do this STUPID dance every day, blithely detatched from the reality that YOU YOURSELF are helping to DIVIDE AND CONQUER the nation, as you myopically beat your little Hannity/Olberman drum of FUTILE self -righteous indignation. PATHETIC. THIS is a nation of PUSSIES AND FUCKING COWARDS. If this nation had any BALLS WHATSOEVER, there would be a trail of DEAD MEN SWINGING FROM THE ENDS OF ROPES leading from AIG, thru WALL STREET, the not-so “Federal” reserve, the 9/11 commission, and right through every other set-up con-job you people just buy into like a bunch of CATTLE BEING LED TO SLAUGHTER. It’s not that Americans don’t give a fuck…..every misled, misdirected group that goes out and crusades for the “Grand Cause” they think is responsible for the decimation of this ONCE great nation proves that…..the problem IS that the problem ISN’T illegal aliens (i.e. Minutemen) or Democrats in Washington (i.e. Teabaggers) or conservative policies (i.e. Code Pink)…….the problem is …… AMERICANS THEMSELVES. AMERICANS have sat on THEIR ASSES while Washington and the Pentagon have BANKRUPTED THE TREASURY and sent our sons and daughters into MEAT GRINDERS in Iraq and Afghanistan for WMD’s and connections to 9/11 that did NOT EXIST and even AFTER the overwhelming evidence that the intel was “swept all up” (doctored, falsified, unreliable) you STUPID SHEEP keep buying into the BRAIN DEAD notion that somehow, these wars are for the FREEDOM of America. You’re an IDIOT. They’re wars for EMPIRE. Your son’s and daughter’s BLOOD is being used as OIL to grease an evil, out of control WAR MACHINE….Your money and financial security is being DEVOURED by Wall St. and the Federal Reserve, with collusion from YOUR ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES, and your standard of living is slowly eroding into a two-class system as the middle class is being FORCED INTO EXTINCTION…… ……and you do NOTHING to stop ANY of it. You ignorant FOOLS who send shotgun Emails to all your friends warning of “death panels” and other such HEALTH INSURANCE INDUSTRY PROPAGANDA, yes, you friggin’ GOMERS actually think the Health Insurance Industry has your best interests in mind, and it’s “dat mean ol’ gubmint” that wants to penalize you by providing your family health care that isn’t profit-based. MEDICARE only got passed because it effectively REMOVED the highest-risk group to the insurance providers (the elderly) from the ‘pool’ of prospective insurees, thereby minimizing their financial exposure. It’s completely lost on most people that catastrophic illness is the main reason for personal bankruptcy….and that 75% of those who had to file HAD health insurance. And this is the ’status quo’ many of you are defending. You are BEYOND dense. America has lost it’s HONOR, as well as it’s collective senses. I don’t wish upon America any malice or catastrophe…..trust me, this is happening with assistance and collusion from the top down, not from some Arab in a cave. I just want to leave peacefully and live in a place that doesn’t have leaders that hope for a “catastrophic and catalyzing event” to promote a war agenda that takes pride in kicking the shit out of unarmed peasants living in the dirt….then blames them for retaliating. Can’t wait to see this dysfunctional madhouse in my rear view mirror. When you abide by a system of government that you FULLY EXPECT will side AGAINST YOU and WITH corporate lobbyists (MANY of whom represent interests that are not even from the USA) who BRIBE THEM WITH BALES OF CASH….and are working 24/7 to maximize their profits and minimize their potential competition in the marketplace…..all at the expense of you and your family….and don’t lift a FINGER to do ANYTHING TO CHANGE IT……you fucking DESERVE WHAT’S COMING. What might that be…..? Think Germany and the treaty of Versailles…..when a wheelbarrow full of Deutschmarks is what it took to buy a MEAL. WHEN the dollar collapses…..not IF, WHEN…..THAT’S when you’ll really begin to see the true definition of FASCISM. The unity of government and corporations to economically and militarily control it’s people. History WILL repeat itself….but if you’re like so many of the morons in the USA who think they’re so smart but don’t know SHIT…..it will all be NEW TO YOU. Good luck…..you’ll need it. This is the most ARROGANT nation in EXISTANCE, second only to ISRAEL….and since ALL of our politicians are falling over backwards to kiss Israel’s ASS on a daily basis, fully knowing that exposing any inconvenient TRUTH about them equals political SUICIDE….that and the mass media in America that feeds it’s daily ration of BULLSHIT is controlled by individuals biased towards them as well….ANYONE who thinks they know what is going on because they read TIME magazine and watch CNN, FOX news OR MSNBC…..you are DELUSIONAL. One nation under God….? What a JOKE. MONEY is God here pal….even people who are reading this who hate the words I typed KNOW this is true. What does it say in your bible about the love of money? The root of all evil, no? How DARE this nation question human rights abuses of other nations after Abu Ghraib and countless other bombing and torture campaigns, where it was stated it is passable to crush the testicles of young boys in front of their fathers to extract information. How DARE this nation deign to be the world’s nuclear police when WE are the only nation to ever USE NUKES. MOST of you actually consider Palestinians as TERRORISTS, when it is THEY who have been occupied, imprisoned behind 25 foot high concrete walls and denied basic human decency by APARTHEID ISRAEL. Those of you who get your info from American media REMAIN IGNORANT OF THE TRUTH. You’re probably wondering if I’m some Arab, or other person hostile to “America’s Freedoms” lol…. Yeah, you’re really free here……. Free to go BANKRUPT if you get sick, even if you HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE. Free to vote on DIEBOLD voting machines that can flip elections and leave no paper trail. Free to watch your life savings DWINDLE AND EVAPORATE into the pockets of the ROBBER BARONS you PATRONIZE. Free to watch your JOB get shipped to CHINA….and then you fucking FOOLS buy the goods PRODUCED FORM THOSE JOBS at Wal Mart, further REWARDING AND ENCOURAGING businesses to CONTINUE this pattern. I have never bought a fucking THING from Wal-Mart, and if you have…..you are a simple, stupid FUCKSTICK. You’re free to be video monitored, photographed by the millisecond at traffic light traps, electronically surveiled, searched with no warrant, shaken down and partially disrobed at airports, free to be told how much shampoo you are allowed to carry in your luggage, free to buy processed foods that give you cancer, genetically altered vegetables that contain neat things like INSECT DNA, free to pay more than ANY OTHER COUNTRY ON THE PLANET for pharmeceuticals, free to be the pharmaceutical company’s guinea pig for drugs that have potentially catastrophic side effects, free to have PUBLIC POLICY DICTATED TO YOU by government ‘officials’ that have dual citizenship with ISRAEL, free to have ANY MEANINGFUL TRUTH WITHHELD FROM YOU by the mass media…… …..and free to be one of the ONE OUT OF EVERY HUNDRED AMERICANS living in PRISON. Land of the free, home of the brave?? More like land of the SHEEP and home of the SLAVE. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Location: Repost it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

to the beautiful lady who saw me pooping – m4w
Me: Taking a huge poop in the l5p pizza bathroom. You: Drunk, beautiful, Discovered that I forgot to lock the door in my haste. Look, I know it must have been awkward for you to see me in that state, and especially since it didnt seem to bother me that you walked in. We made eye contact for a brief moment, you have the most beautiful brown eyes (no pun intended). I said “hey beautiful lady” right as you slammed the door, and i meant it. Everyone poops, and now that you have seen me pooping, I feel like we have already moved our relationship to a higher level. If you read this, and feel the same way, respond… I hope the smell didnt offend you, I ate indian food for lunch.. Location: l5p it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Grammar Patrol
I’ve been lurking for a while, but recently I’ve been too overcome by passion to remain in the shadows. Every time you post a correction to a previous post I get an enormous girl-boner. It’s such a turn-on when you scour public listings looking for mistakes. Damn…is there anything hotter than pointing out the flaws of others? I don’t know your exact identity, but I’ve seen clues all over town. Like the little correction marks on bathroom stalls. I’ll admit that I’ve overstayed my welcome in said bathroom stalls. Those little circles and hatch marks got me so excited that I just sat there and fingered myself while other patrons pounded the door. You’re right. That IS the wrong “your”. Mmmmmmm….Bliss. Sometime I want to meet you in person. I’ll bring my red pen and we can print out Missed Connections and giggle about how fucking stupid everyone is. Then maybe later we can circle the freckles and blemishes on our bodies. The mistakes that make us ugly. Make sure you get that big birthmark on my waist. If that was an English paper, I would never even pass Comp. 1. And the scar on my wrist is the equivalent of using a preposition at the end of a sentence. Fucking gross. I know you can fix me. Do they make White-Out in flesh tones? You and I both know that proper grammar is the most important factor in someone’s attractiveness, and with a little work I know we can go together like Robert Frost and a high school reading response. Baby, we were meant for each other. Please thoroughly correct this post and send it back to me so I know it’s really you. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

To the woman who hit my car… – m4w
You were the woman who rear ended my car on Patton Ave at 2am last night. You were in a red Camry and I was in the blue Neon. You said you didn’t have insurance and “really couldn’t afford this right now”. We pulled our cars into the empty K-Mart parking lot and began to discuss the best way to handle this situation. While we were talking I couldn’t help but notice your low cut shirt and you caught me looking, gave me a smile, and we both agreed to settle this matter “like adults”. That was truly one of the best blowjobs I’ve ever had. I wish I knew your name! Location: Patton Ave. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

The Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed
So there you are, suddenly single after fifteen years of faithful monogamy that came to a crashing halt when you discovered that the other partner felt that monogamy only applied to one of you, and it wasn t her. Now, despite the fact that you ve been a hard-working sole provider for a decade and a half and you technically own half of a really nice, big, house in the burbs, you find yourself sitting in an unfurnished crappy little two-bedroom apartment little bigger than the one you first moved into straight out of college. You have an old table with one chair, a beat up couch you got from your folks back in the early 90s and which they got in the 70s, a mattress with no frame, and thank god, a tv. (But that bitch wouldn t let you have the remote, would she?) You re not exactly at the top of your game, but what s worse is that you don t know where the kids will sleep. Yea, the kids. They still love you. They want to come and see you. They did nothing wrong. But now you have nowhere (other than the couch) for them to sleep. Sound familiar? Well then have I got a deal for you. Feast your eyes upon the Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed. You see, it will get better. The wheels of karmic justice may grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine. You will reconstruct your ego, and your life. Then you ll slowly start having a social life. You ll fix some of those things about yourself you always wanted to fix but didn t have the time/energy because you were so busy being provider/husband/father. You ll meet a brilliant and gorgeous woman who, coincidentally, happens to be much younger than you. You ll fall in love. For her part, your ex will fall into bankruptcy, get all sorts of inappropriate tattoos, and basically ruin her own life without any help from you. But the first step to all of that is having somewhere for the kids to sleep. That s where the bunkbed comes in. As you can see from the picture, it s steel framed, relatively new, comes with two mattresses, and the bottom bunk is a couch until you pull it out into a futon. So here is the scale: If any or all of this applies to you, if you are the one who was cheated (male or female) on and you STILL had to move out and need somewhere for your kids to sleep: $75 and hell, I ll throw in some pillows for you. If you are a single mother or father, perhaps for other reasons, it s still a bargain at $100 If you are a young couple, working hard to make ends meet but doing pretty well, with your whole lives in front of you: $101 If you are the one who cheated in your marriage/partnership, the one who had to leave the house because you could not stop your libido from overruling your vows: $3,275. And I get to punch you in the face. In fact, I’ll probably do that anyway, on the principle of the thing. Location: Capitol Hill it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

re: ‘Abnormal sex’
In most any circumstance, when I come across an outlandish spewing of rigid opinions presented as absolute facts, I merely roll my eyes and dismiss it. This is incredibly common. However, it seems I ve had the misfortune of missing the diatribes earlier this week on abnormal sex and the ad hominems that followed. Since it seems popular to decide that anyone taking a position on this issue must also fall into an easily labeled stereotype, perhaps it would be best to skip a few posts/labels and proffer some information: I am a straight Caucasian male. I have written three extensive papers on DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and the many anti-same-sex marriage policies it has inspired throughout our country in all levels of government and society; two of which are being prepped for publishing. I was introduced to serious sexual study by a former Professor who is an ordained Reverend and earned his PhD in Sexual Ethics of Christianity (or possibly Catholicism). I have lectured and tutored at Cornell in Human Sexuality and Sexual Ethics which is also to state that I have led a very active and varied sex life. My meaning is not to enter this fray and stomp on anyone, but rather to attempt to educate and/or inject some truths into many of the common myths I ve seen argued in this thread. I m not going to try to put a whole semester s worth of information in just one post, but I ll loosely try to cover some basics. Abnormal Sex Sodomy is as misunderstood as it is misapplied largely due to expressions of male homophobia. Contrary to common belief, sodomy is not at all limited to anal penetration; even if that seems to be the focus of almost all anti-homosexual rhetoric. Sodomy is almost any sort of sexual activity that isn t penile-vaginal. Your ex-gf ever give you a blow-job? Ever lick a clit? Ever tried heterosexual anal sex? When you were little, did you think the Daisy Duck with the come fuck me look was kinda hot? All of them are sodomy. Yep bestiality, too, is sodomy. Since someone out there is going to be tempted to break out Genesis 18-20, allow me to do it first: sodomy is derived from the Ecclesiastical Latin term peccatum Sodomiticum , the sin of Sodom . However, this association is based on what theologians and sexologists both deem sexual depravity; which is not, by any stretch of the imagination, limited to male homosexual sex. But this leads nicely into the next point Sex for Procreation / Religious Purpose of Sex Immanuel Kant, Sir Thomas Moore, Jerry Falwell, .and quite a host of others have gotten this message all kinds of wrong. And to an extent, this was understandable. Up until the discovery of the X and Y genes, it was scientifically believed (largely based on theological influence) that ejaculate contained a very tiny man that would grow in a woman s womb and that it was a fault of care by the pregnant woman if she should deliver a girl, as she must have damaged the baby while carrying it. As our consciences were informed by our philosophical and spiritual leadership throughout Western civilization for thousands of years, it is difficult to let go of the immorality of wasting sperm . Of those that rigidly take the stance of sexual behavior being for procreation and thus, homosexuality or casual sex wholly immoral only Kant makes an allowance for ejaculation absent an attempt for pregnancy: nocturnal emissions. Wet dreams aren t murder. More to the point, though – only rigidly fundamentalist Christians (that haven t been caught paying male prostitutes for homosexual sex) loudly claim that sex is strictly for procreation. Not even radical Muslims nor even Hasidic Jews make such a claim. The most God-fearing Catholic Cardinals don t say this either (another popular myth) and for good reason: The Song of Solomon, the Song of Songs . often theologically interpreted as an allegorical representation, it is also an eloquently GRAPHIC exchange between a man and a woman wherein the woman asks the man to give her oral sex until she climaxes on his face, and then he is to ride off, still smelling of her. Go ahead draw out the visuals the song describes, line by line, on a piece of paper. Not so much as one word about procreation. And the Cardinals attending the Muratorian Canon (where the Holy Bible was put together) and Council of Laodicea in 363A.D. agreed. Sex was also pleasurable and one could cultivate a virtuous and spiritual existence by recognizing it. The Council of Hippo (A.D. 393) and the Council of Carthage (A.D. 397) also both affirmed these findings and left the Song of Songs in the Bible. And yes, it was mentioned that it encourages what was earlier deemed to be sexual deviance in Genesis at all three Councils. A little tidbit homophobes have overlooked when writing anti-sodomy laws. Buddhists, Shinto s, Zen, Confucius all major religions and philosophies in the world since the written word have acknowledged that sex is pleasurable and, exercised within certain perimeters, is healthy for the moral and spiritual being of a person even when not for procreation. Sexual Depravity and Abnormal Sex So what is sexual depravity and/or abnormal sex? First, you should dispel the notion that the two are in any way connected. Abnormal sex is a useless term altogether. Since the dawn of time, human beings around the world have studied and experimented and educated others in sexuality publicly shunned and privately praised. There s nothing you ve ever thought of doing, or seen or even heard about doing that wasn t done thousands of years ago and likely published. The Kama Sutra was originally compiled in the 2nd century and contains over 1200 verses in 36 chapters. Ancient Egyptians prayed to different gods and goddesses each with a minor attribute of sexuality. In both the Roman and Greek Empires, people would pay to have sex with the priest or priestess (homosexual or heterosexual sex) in order to commune with the gods. In Shinto (Japanese religion), sex is seen as a pleasurable way to display affection as well as to create children. But here s the most important societal truth to walk away with: the most successful tester and determining factor for technological advancements throughout human history? Human sexuality. If there s a new technology to communicate ideas or thoughts, sexual study or expression is the first to test it on a mass scale. Largest industry on the Internet? Online Porn. HDDVD or Blu-Ray? Porn studios/publishers BETAMAX or VHS? Porn studios. Word Processors, Type-writers, the printing press and type-block print? Erotica pamphlets and literature. So what is sexual depravity then? Sexual depravity can be the denial of sexual identity or expression; because we are all sexual beings, biologically created to want and desire sexual gratification as well as procreate. Subconsciously affected by pheromones, dopamine, oxytocin, and a host of other chemicals we send to one another in our constant bid for sex. The vast preponderance of scientific evidence supports what I believe is common sense you have very little control over who you re attracted to or why on a primal level because you are genetically wired to be that way. The other two forms of sexual depravity are inter-related because they both revolve around the sexual objectification of others. The first is direct objectification. It s leading someone on for self-gratification only or treating someone as a sexual object without mutual acknowledgment and consideration. It s a cheating wife or a boyfriend that withholds sex for control. It s also an emotional affair. But most importantly it is treating your sexuality as private, instead of personal . it s locking your bedroom door instead of just closing it. When everyone else is locked out of your sexual expression and ideas, it opens the path to objectification. This leads us to the last form of sexual depravity: the people that objectify the sexuality or sexual identity of strangers for their own indignant gratification. In short if it s not affecting you or the people you are responsible to, IT S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, PERVERT. For the three of you that actually read all of this have a good Sunday. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 at 10:37 pm and is filed under Classifieds News, Craigslist News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

Over 600+ companies will pay you for surveys, reading email, surfing the web, shopping, and more! PaidForFree.com – Make Up To $150/hr. –

If you like party’s, event’s, photo shoot’s, and bicycle’s, but don’t know that plural word’s don’t require apostrophe’s, then please contact me before any posting’s. I will gladly proofread so I don’t have to read another mis-apostrophed ad in search for a gig that better fit’s me. Thank’s. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Compensation: no pay

A quick note about boobs – m4w
Memo to Female Readers — I’m just curious if you know this — guys will do pretty much anything in order to play with your boobs. You know this already, right? Sometimes I wonder, given all the emotional and logistical acrobatics you go through. In fact, if you end your MC posts with …”oh, and you can play with my boobs, too,” you’ll most likely find what you’re looking for. That’s when the real misery and disappointment begins, however, but that’s outside the scope of this quick, heartfelt, holiday memo. Okay. Carry on. Love, Michael Location: interoffice memo it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

To the hipster dude who did my lesbian roommate that one time
As much as I appreciate the zombie Mr. T you sketched (that is hung on our refrigerator, by the way), there are a few things we need to set straight. I had reservations about you from the beginning; I thought you might suffer from a chronic case of Cool Kid Syndrome. Despite my feminine appearance, I have a long history of having dated nerds/geeks. Some of them played table top RPGs, some were programmers, most of them were socially awkward. I am a nerd. I have mad nerd pride. I learn things for no good reason, think science is the coolest thing EVAR, sometimes snort when I laugh, and get the XKCD jokes. Perhaps it was the black-framed glasses and my state of well-groomedness, but you had somehow mistaken me for a Reg. And then you DISPARAGED MY PEOPLE. This is unforgivable. Nerds have long suffered at the hands of jocks and at the jabs of hipsters like yourself. I don’t tolerate that shit. Weighing in at around 145 pounds and spending your days flipping through vinyls and sketching in your Moleskin leads me to believe that I can totally take you in a fist fight. Or simply mess up your faux hawk and send you packing on your fixed-gear, singing My Chemical Romance to yourself through the tears leaking out under your aviator sunglasses. From that moment on, I refused to talk to you. I stopped calling you by your name and, instead, began referring to you as “Toolbox.” My roommate, who was desperate for attention, wanted to be friends with you. She scoffed at my suggestion that you were only hanging around to get in her pants. Her dating life has been not-so-great since we moved to Austin. She either skipped, or was asleep during, the life lesson on humility. That’s fine for dudes because she has big knockers, but women have been less receptive, and I suspect that it has something to do with all conversations being steered towards her. As she is new to the whole “lesbian thing” I can forgive her for falling of the cootch wagon and sleeping with a guy or two along the trail. But why, oh sweet Jesus why, did it have to be you? After that one time you did my lesbian roommate, you didn’t come a callin’. I sometimes lie awake at night and speculate… Was it just for the thrill of the lesbian conquest? Cock beats all? Or was it because she did the pretty girl I’m-going-to-lay-here-like-a-dead-fish-while-you-do-me thing? I accept that correlation does not necessarily indicate causation but I’m highly suspicious of your intentions, sir. Either way, she has instead chosen to blame me for your recent attendance record. Even if that were the case, your fear of me was only powerful enough to keep you away after you dipped it in my vag gnoshing roommie. Thank you for making domestic relations difficult. This interaction has only reinforced the judgments I pass on people in skinny jeans. Location: North it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Drunk girl wrangler
Muscular man closely resembling Hugh Jackman needed to take care of 3 or more drunk girls this weekend. Duties may include but are not limited to drink orders, store runs for cigarettes, fix it kits for inflatable devices, breaking up girl fights, holding hair during any puking, and keeping the dudes off of the 2 married chicks. Experience in CPR and a psyche degree helpful. We don’t mind perverts just don’t get it on us. Applicants with pics will be considered. Location: Downtown Austin it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests it’s OK to distribute this charitable volunteerism opportunity for inclusion in 3rd party web sites that have been approved by craigslist

I hate what America has become
There are so many reasons that frankly, it’s hard to pick a place to start: First of all…..when 28% of you brain dead fucking morons give a blithering IDIOT like Sarah Palin positive approval ratings and think she ought to run for president in 2012, it really makes me sick to know I am lumbered with that many mouth-breathing Cro-Magnons I unfortunately have to consider as my fellow countrymen….trust me…..I don’t. You motherfuckers are beyond help. And before you go thinking this is a “liberal” based rant…..that brings me to one more item on an ever-lengthening list. This “Liberal” versus “Conservative” paradigm that so many of you simple dunces buy into…..as BOTH parties sell you out to the multinational corporations, banks and special interests that actually run Washington D.C.)…..you do this STUPID dance every day, blithely detatched from the reality that YOU YOURSELF are helping to DIVIDE AND CONQUER the nation, as you myopically beat your little Hannity/Olberman drum of FUTILE self -righteous indignation. PATHETIC. THIS is a nation of PUSSIES AND FUCKING COWARDS. If this nation had any BALLS WHATSOEVER, there would be a trail of DEAD MEN SWINGING FROM THE ENDS OF ROPES leading from AIG, thru WALL STREET, the not-so “Federal” reserve, the 9/11 commission, and right through every other set-up con-job you people just buy into like a bunch of CATTLE BEING LED TO SLAUGHTER. It’s not that Americans don’t give a fuck…..every misled, misdirected group that goes out and crusades for the “Grand Cause” they think is responsible for the decimation of this ONCE great nation proves that…..the problem IS that the problem ISN’T illegal aliens (i.e. Minutemen) or Democrats in Washington (i.e. Teabaggers) or conservative policies (i.e. Code Pink)…….the problem is …… AMERICANS THEMSELVES. AMERICANS have sat on THEIR ASSES while Washington and the Pentagon have BANKRUPTED THE TREASURY and sent our sons and daughters into MEAT GRINDERS in Iraq and Afghanistan for WMD’s and connections to 9/11 that did NOT EXIST and even AFTER the overwhelming evidence that the intel was “swept all up” (doctored, falsified, unreliable) you STUPID SHEEP keep buying into the BRAIN DEAD notion that somehow, these wars are for the FREEDOM of America. You’re an IDIOT. They’re wars for EMPIRE. Your son’s and daughter’s BLOOD is being used as OIL to grease an evil, out of control WAR MACHINE….Your money and financial security is being DEVOURED by Wall St. and the Federal Reserve, with collusion from YOUR ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES, and your standard of living is slowly eroding into a two-class system as the middle class is being FORCED INTO EXTINCTION…… ……and you do NOTHING to stop ANY of it. You ignorant FOOLS who send shotgun Emails to all your friends warning of “death panels” and other such HEALTH INSURANCE INDUSTRY PROPAGANDA, yes, you friggin’ GOMERS actually think the Health Insurance Industry has your best interests in mind, and it’s “dat mean ol’ gubmint” that wants to penalize you by providing your family health care that isn’t profit-based. MEDICARE only got passed because it effectively REMOVED the highest-risk group to the insurance providers (the elderly) from the ‘pool’ of prospective insurees, thereby minimizing their financial exposure. It’s completely lost on most people that catastrophic illness is the main reason for personal bankruptcy….and that 75% of those who had to file HAD health insurance. And this is the ’status quo’ many of you are defending. You are BEYOND dense. America has lost it’s HONOR, as well as it’s collective senses. I don’t wish upon America any malice or catastrophe…..trust me, this is happening with assistance and collusion from the top down, not from some Arab in a cave. I just want to leave peacefully and live in a place that doesn’t have leaders that hope for a “catastrophic and catalyzing event” to promote a war agenda that takes pride in kicking the shit out of unarmed peasants living in the dirt….then blames them for retaliating. Can’t wait to see this dysfunctional madhouse in my rear view mirror. When you abide by a system of government that you FULLY EXPECT will side AGAINST YOU and WITH corporate lobbyists (MANY of whom represent interests that are not even from the USA) who BRIBE THEM WITH BALES OF CASH….and are working 24/7 to maximize their profits and minimize their potential competition in the marketplace…..all at the expense of you and your family….and don’t lift a FINGER to do ANYTHING TO CHANGE IT……you fucking DESERVE WHAT’S COMING. What might that be…..? Think Germany and the treaty of Versailles…..when a wheelbarrow full of Deutschmarks is what it took to buy a MEAL. WHEN the dollar collapses…..not IF, WHEN…..THAT’S when you’ll really begin to see the true definition of FASCISM. The unity of government and corporations to economically and militarily control it’s people. History WILL repeat itself….but if you’re like so many of the morons in the USA who think they’re so smart but don’t know SHIT…..it will all be NEW TO YOU. Good luck…..you’ll need it. This is the most ARROGANT nation in EXISTANCE, second only to ISRAEL….and since ALL of our politicians are falling over backwards to kiss Israel’s ASS on a daily basis, fully knowing that exposing any inconvenient TRUTH about them equals political SUICIDE….that and the mass media in America that feeds it’s daily ration of BULLSHIT is controlled by individuals biased towards them as well….ANYONE who thinks they know what is going on because they read TIME magazine and watch CNN, FOX news OR MSNBC…..you are DELUSIONAL. One nation under God….? What a JOKE. MONEY is God here pal….even people who are reading this who hate the words I typed KNOW this is true. What does it say in your bible about the love of money? The root of all evil, no? How DARE this nation question human rights abuses of other nations after Abu Ghraib and countless other bombing and torture campaigns, where it was stated it is passable to crush the testicles of young boys in front of their fathers to extract information. How DARE this nation deign to be the world’s nuclear police when WE are the only nation to ever USE NUKES. MOST of you actually consider Palestinians as TERRORISTS, when it is THEY who have been occupied, imprisoned behind 25 foot high concrete walls and denied basic human decency by APARTHEID ISRAEL. Those of you who get your info from American media REMAIN IGNORANT OF THE TRUTH. You’re probably wondering if I’m some Arab, or other person hostile to “America’s Freedoms” lol…. Yeah, you’re really free here……. Free to go BANKRUPT if you get sick, even if you HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE. Free to vote on DIEBOLD voting machines that can flip elections and leave no paper trail. Free to watch your life savings DWINDLE AND EVAPORATE into the pockets of the ROBBER BARONS you PATRONIZE. Free to watch your JOB get shipped to CHINA….and then you fucking FOOLS buy the goods PRODUCED FORM THOSE JOBS at Wal Mart, further REWARDING AND ENCOURAGING businesses to CONTINUE this pattern. I have never bought a fucking THING from Wal-Mart, and if you have…..you are a simple, stupid FUCKSTICK. You’re free to be video monitored, photographed by the millisecond at traffic light traps, electronically surveiled, searched with no warrant, shaken down and partially disrobed at airports, free to be told how much shampoo you are allowed to carry in your luggage, free to buy processed foods that give you cancer, genetically altered vegetables that contain neat things like INSECT DNA, free to pay more than ANY OTHER COUNTRY ON THE PLANET for pharmeceuticals, free to be the pharmaceutical company’s guinea pig for drugs that have potentially catastrophic side effects, free to have PUBLIC POLICY DICTATED TO YOU by government ‘officials’ that have dual citizenship with ISRAEL, free to have ANY MEANINGFUL TRUTH WITHHELD FROM YOU by the mass media…… …..and free to be one of the ONE OUT OF EVERY HUNDRED AMERICANS living in PRISON. Land of the free, home of the brave?? More like land of the SHEEP and home of the SLAVE. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests Location: Repost it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

to the beautiful lady who saw me pooping – m4w
Me: Taking a huge poop in the l5p pizza bathroom. You: Drunk, beautiful, Discovered that I forgot to lock the door in my haste. Look, I know it must have been awkward for you to see me in that state, and especially since it didnt seem to bother me that you walked in. We made eye contact for a brief moment, you have the most beautiful brown eyes (no pun intended). I said “hey beautiful lady” right as you slammed the door, and i meant it. Everyone poops, and now that you have seen me pooping, I feel like we have already moved our relationship to a higher level. If you read this, and feel the same way, respond… I hope the smell didnt offend you, I ate indian food for lunch.. Location: l5p it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Grammar Patrol
I’ve been lurking for a while, but recently I’ve been too overcome by passion to remain in the shadows. Every time you post a correction to a previous post I get an enormous girl-boner. It’s such a turn-on when you scour public listings looking for mistakes. Damn…is there anything hotter than pointing out the flaws of others? I don’t know your exact identity, but I’ve seen clues all over town. Like the little correction marks on bathroom stalls. I’ll admit that I’ve overstayed my welcome in said bathroom stalls. Those little circles and hatch marks got me so excited that I just sat there and fingered myself while other patrons pounded the door. You’re right. That IS the wrong “your”. Mmmmmmm….Bliss. Sometime I want to meet you in person. I’ll bring my red pen and we can print out Missed Connections and giggle about how fucking stupid everyone is. Then maybe later we can circle the freckles and blemishes on our bodies. The mistakes that make us ugly. Make sure you get that big birthmark on my waist. If that was an English paper, I would never even pass Comp. 1. And the scar on my wrist is the equivalent of using a preposition at the end of a sentence. Fucking gross. I know you can fix me. Do they make White-Out in flesh tones? You and I both know that proper grammar is the most important factor in someone’s attractiveness, and with a little work I know we can go together like Robert Frost and a high school reading response. Baby, we were meant for each other. Please thoroughly correct this post and send it back to me so I know it’s really you. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

To the woman who hit my car… – m4w
You were the woman who rear ended my car on Patton Ave at 2am last night. You were in a red Camry and I was in the blue Neon. You said you didn’t have insurance and “really couldn’t afford this right now”. We pulled our cars into the empty K-Mart parking lot and began to discuss the best way to handle this situation. While we were talking I couldn’t help but notice your low cut shirt and you caught me looking, gave me a smile, and we both agreed to settle this matter “like adults”. That was truly one of the best blowjobs I’ve ever had. I wish I knew your name! Location: Patton Ave. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

The Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed
So there you are, suddenly single after fifteen years of faithful monogamy that came to a crashing halt when you discovered that the other partner felt that monogamy only applied to one of you, and it wasn t her. Now, despite the fact that you ve been a hard-working sole provider for a decade and a half and you technically own half of a really nice, big, house in the burbs, you find yourself sitting in an unfurnished crappy little two-bedroom apartment little bigger than the one you first moved into straight out of college. You have an old table with one chair, a beat up couch you got from your folks back in the early 90s and which they got in the 70s, a mattress with no frame, and thank god, a tv. (But that bitch wouldn t let you have the remote, would she?) You re not exactly at the top of your game, but what s worse is that you don t know where the kids will sleep. Yea, the kids. They still love you. They want to come and see you. They did nothing wrong. But now you have nowhere (other than the couch) for them to sleep. Sound familiar? Well then have I got a deal for you. Feast your eyes upon the Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed. You see, it will get better. The wheels of karmic justice may grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine. You will reconstruct your ego, and your life. Then you ll slowly start having a social life. You ll fix some of those things about yourself you always wanted to fix but didn t have the time/energy because you were so busy being provider/husband/father. You ll meet a brilliant and gorgeous woman who, coincidentally, happens to be much younger than you. You ll fall in love. For her part, your ex will fall into bankruptcy, get all sorts of inappropriate tattoos, and basically ruin her own life without any help from you. But the first step to all of that is having somewhere for the kids to sleep. That s where the bunkbed comes in. As you can see from the picture, it s steel framed, relatively new, comes with two mattresses, and the bottom bunk is a couch until you pull it out into a futon. So here is the scale: If any or all of this applies to you, if you are the one who was cheated (male or female) on and you STILL had to move out and need somewhere for your kids to sleep: $75 and hell, I ll throw in some pillows for you. If you are a single mother or father, perhaps for other reasons, it s still a bargain at $100 If you are a young couple, working hard to make ends meet but doing pretty well, with your whole lives in front of you: $101 If you are the one who cheated in your marriage/partnership, the one who had to leave the house because you could not stop your libido from overruling your vows: $3,275. And I get to punch you in the face. In fact, I’ll probably do that anyway, on the principle of the thing. Location: Capitol Hill it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

re: ‘Abnormal sex’
In most any circumstance, when I come across an outlandish spewing of rigid opinions presented as absolute facts, I merely roll my eyes and dismiss it. This is incredibly common. However, it seems I ve had the misfortune of missing the diatribes earlier this week on abnormal sex and the ad hominems that followed. Since it seems popular to decide that anyone taking a position on this issue must also fall into an easily labeled stereotype, perhaps it would be best to skip a few posts/labels and proffer some information: I am a straight Caucasian male. I have written three extensive papers on DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and the many anti-same-sex marriage policies it has inspired throughout our country in all levels of government and society; two of which are being prepped for publishing. I was introduced to serious sexual study by a former Professor who is an ordained Reverend and earned his PhD in Sexual Ethics of Christianity (or possibly Catholicism). I have lectured and tutored at Cornell in Human Sexuality and Sexual Ethics which is also to state that I have led a very active and varied sex life. My meaning is not to enter this fray and stomp on anyone, but rather to attempt to educate and/or inject some truths into many of the common myths I ve seen argued in this thread. I m not going to try to put a whole semester s worth of information in just one post, but I ll loosely try to cover some basics. Abnormal Sex Sodomy is as misunderstood as it is misapplied largely due to expressions of male homophobia. Contrary to common belief, sodomy is not at all limited to anal penetration; even if that seems to be the focus of almost all anti-homosexual rhetoric. Sodomy is almost any sort of sexual activity that isn t penile-vaginal. Your ex-gf ever give you a blow-job? Ever lick a clit? Ever tried heterosexual anal sex? When you were little, did you think the Daisy Duck with the come fuck me look was kinda hot? All of them are sodomy. Yep bestiality, too, is sodomy. Since someone out there is going to be tempted to break out Genesis 18-20, allow me to do it first: sodomy is derived from the Ecclesiastical Latin term peccatum Sodomiticum , the sin of Sodom . However, this association is based on what theologians and sexologists both deem sexual depravity; which is not, by any stretch of the imagination, limited to male homosexual sex. But this leads nicely into the next point Sex for Procreation / Religious Purpose of Sex Immanuel Kant, Sir Thomas Moore, Jerry Falwell, .and quite a host of others have gotten this message all kinds of wrong. And to an extent, this was understandable. Up until the discovery of the X and Y genes, it was scientifically believed (largely based on theological influence) that ejaculate contained a very tiny man that would grow in a woman s womb and that it was a fault of care by the pregnant woman if she should deliver a girl, as she must have damaged the baby while carrying it. As our consciences were informed by our philosophical and spiritual leadership throughout Western civilization for thousands of years, it is difficult to let go of the immorality of wasting sperm . Of those that rigidly take the stance of sexual behavior being for procreation and thus, homosexuality or casual sex wholly immoral only Kant makes an allowance for ejaculation absent an attempt for pregnancy: nocturnal emissions. Wet dreams aren t murder. More to the point, though – only rigidly fundamentalist Christians (that haven t been caught paying male prostitutes for homosexual sex) loudly claim that sex is strictly for procreation. Not even radical Muslims nor even Hasidic Jews make such a claim. The most God-fearing Catholic Cardinals don t say this either (another popular myth) and for good reason: The Song of Solomon, the Song of Songs . often theologically interpreted as an allegorical representation, it is also an eloquently GRAPHIC exchange between a man and a woman wherein the woman asks the man to give her oral sex until she climaxes on his face, and then he is to ride off, still smelling of her. Go ahead draw out the visuals the song describes, line by line, on a piece of paper. Not so much as one word about procreation. And the Cardinals attending the Muratorian Canon (where the Holy Bible was put together) and Council of Laodicea in 363A.D. agreed. Sex was also pleasurable and one could cultivate a virtuous and spiritual existence by recognizing it. The Council of Hippo (A.D. 393) and the Council of Carthage (A.D. 397) also both affirmed these findings and left the Song of Songs in the Bible. And yes, it was mentioned that it encourages what was earlier deemed to be sexual deviance in Genesis at all three Councils. A little tidbit homophobes have overlooked when writing anti-sodomy laws. Buddhists, Shinto s, Zen, Confucius all major religions and philosophies in the world since the written word have acknowledged that sex is pleasurable and, exercised within certain perimeters, is healthy for the moral and spiritual being of a person even when not for procreation. Sexual Depravity and Abnormal Sex So what is sexual depravity and/or abnormal sex? First, you should dispel the notion that the two are in any way connected. Abnormal sex is a useless term altogether. Since the dawn of time, human beings around the world have studied and experimented and educated others in sexuality publicly shunned and privately praised. There s nothing you ve ever thought of doing, or seen or even heard about doing that wasn t done thousands of years ago and likely published. The Kama Sutra was originally compiled in the 2nd century and contains over 1200 verses in 36 chapters. Ancient Egyptians prayed to different gods and goddesses each with a minor attribute of sexuality. In both the Roman and Greek Empires, people would pay to have sex with the priest or priestess (homosexual or heterosexual sex) in order to commune with the gods. In Shinto (Japanese religion), sex is seen as a pleasurable way to display affection as well as to create children. But here s the most important societal truth to walk away with: the most successful tester and determining factor for technological advancements throughout human history? Human sexuality. If there s a new technology to communicate ideas or thoughts, sexual study or expression is the first to test it on a mass scale. Largest industry on the Internet? Online Porn. HDDVD or Blu-Ray? Porn studios/publishers BETAMAX or VHS? Porn studios. Word Processors, Type-writers, the printing press and type-block print? Erotica pamphlets and literature. So what is sexual depravity then? Sexual depravity can be the denial of sexual identity or expression; because we are all sexual beings, biologically created to want and desire sexual gratification as well as procreate. Subconsciously affected by pheromones, dopamine, oxytocin, and a host of other chemicals we send to one another in our constant bid for sex. The vast preponderance of scientific evidence supports what I believe is common sense you have very little control over who you re attracted to or why on a primal level because you are genetically wired to be that way. The other two forms of sexual depravity are inter-related because they both revolve around the sexual objectification of others. The first is direct objectification. It s leading someone on for self-gratification only or treating someone as a sexual object without mutual acknowledgment and consideration. It s a cheating wife or a boyfriend that withholds sex for control. It s also an emotional affair. But most importantly it is treating your sexuality as private, instead of personal . it s locking your bedroom door instead of just closing it. When everyone else is locked out of your sexual expression and ideas, it opens the path to objectification. This leads us to the last form of sexual depravity: the people that objectify the sexuality or sexual identity of strangers for their own indignant gratification. In short if it s not affecting you or the people you are responsible to, IT S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, PERVERT. For the three of you that actually read all of this have a good Sunday. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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