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I want to flush your head repeatedly in the toilet while making love to your behind. Hall & Oates will be playing at top volume, at some point “Highway to the Danger Zone” will be played for sure. My house smells amazing and my penis is not sick or deformed. Don’t act like you haven’t thought about this exact scenario before. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Home Based Job
Take the Franchisee of Amit Info Service & easily earn Rs.40000+ Per Month & get Hero Honda Bike, LCD TV, Laptop, Digital Camera & many more gifts. Requirements:- An office space with good location & good decoration. (Note: Office space may be at market ……

We shared a cab, you hit me in the face. – m4w
Hi! I am almost 100% positive you remember me. I was standing in the cab line for about 15 minutes in 1 degree weather, and then you and your girlfriend ran in front of me in the cab line right as my cab, that I had been waiting so long for out in the ball shivering cold, arrived. Now I admit, I am a nice guy, and women get to take advantage of me quite often, but that said I haven’t been laid in months, and when that happens, I somehow feel that the goddess of feminine nurture and chivalry can… how do I put this? Suck my six inch piano player. This is the point where I told the cabby what you girls did, and informed him that he was throwing away the very long cab ride to Erie as well as his moral saint 1-month chip. At this point he had the very bad… very bad idea to give me (a drunken narcissist, in the right) a ride with the girls who shunted me most literally to the curb. This is where the sh*t show began. Your friend and you are both very attractive, but nevertheless I have become accustomed to, when necessary, seeing only the ugly souls of the monsters who arrogantly think they can get whatever they want. The cussing, the womanizing, the abuse, the screaming, and everything that ensued for the next 15 minutes, is unlike me. However I was not alone in this endevor, in fact I would go as far as to say that it was YOU two who did most of the screaming, and abusing. Nevertheless I stood up to the both of you. I let you know exactly how sh*tty it was to leave a stranger to freeze for the sake of your own toes. And although I am a tired soul, tired of fighting petty battles with girls, there are times when the wild thing from my youth finds the perfect combination of irritation and gravel to carve a path to the surface and cuss you the f*ck out. So I did. Somewhere along the way you hit me, good and hard across the face for addressing you by your lady parts. I probably deserved it. But even so, when your friend got out of the car, the attitude from the back seat was cut in half. This reduction in calamity is what made me flip around, to see you face to face for the next 10 minute drive to your home, perched on my knees, and just listen. I watched as you blasted me with insults and be-ration, never admitting nor denying that you intended to leave me on the cold cabby curb.Your visage melted from rage into a pool of confusion as I just sat there and listened. By the end, you were reduced to a puddle of tears, and as gratifying as it was, it is these empty moments that remind me why I hush my inner child to sleep, and open the door for you, and hold your purse, and buy you presents, and walk your dog, and keep you warm, and give you kind smiles. When you exited the cab, my body took me over, I hopped out and gave a “Hey!”. You turned around, and I threw my arms out. “I’m Sorry!”. You sheepishly just looked to me, and through the tears came a genuine moment. A deep smile. Full of the confusion and joy that comes with being twenty-something. I just wanted to say I appreciated that smile. In it, you told me that you were okay, that we are only human, that you value people over right and wrong. Expect to have a beer on me if I ever see you again….. Location: cab stand on pearl it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Application to be my Boyfriend
My Boyfriend Application and Test First, a little about me. I’m a 20-year-old good looking blonde attending University. I’m tired of wasting my time, so I have formulated some mandatory criteria in part A and part B is based on points. Part A 1) You must be born male. Sorry, no trannies, I ll need to see a birth certificate. 2) You must own something to wear to a formal reception. 3) You must not own or ever wear birkenstocks, crocs footwear or randy river jeans. 4) All your parts need to be in good working order, further testing will need to be conducted of course. 5) I can t accept a regular drug user. Despite BC culture, I am including weed. 6) You must own at least four collared dress shirts. You need to look presentable standing next to me. 7) Your height must be proportional to your weight using the standard AMA guidelines. You have to have lived in Victoria for at least two consecutive years. 9) You must have a photo which was taken in the last 3 months. 10) English must be your first language. Sorry, I’m not a part-time ESL teacher. If you meet all of the requirements above then you may continue, if not, then you are now dismissed but thank you for applying to be my boyfriend. Now: give yourself two points for each of the following criteria you meet Part B 1) You have (or are working on) a post secondary degree. 2) You own a car and have a valid driver’s license. Suspended for DUIs: minus 10 points. 3) You ve never worn Ed Hardy, Affliction or any other Christian Audigier affiliated brand. 4) You follow at least one professional sport. 5) You have skills in bed. Not because you think you do, because your past experiences have told you. 6) You are not a born again Christian, Jehovah s Witness or any other kind of religious fanatic. 7) You have been to at least three countries outside of North America. You don t need to call a handy man if something breaks around the house. 9) You know how to cook a meal for two. 10) You like stepping out of your bubble and trying new things like cuisine or bungee jumping. 11) You can make it through a romantic comedy without complaining (we don t have to tell your friends). 12) You have a great sense of humour. Are people laughing with you, or at you? 13) You can plan a good date without any help or advice from me. “I don’t know, what do you want to do” isn’t an answer. 14) You work out and enjoy being physically active. I hit the gym regularly, you should too. 15) You have a job that requires more than a high school diploma. 16) You ride a motorcycle. I love to go riding. 17) You have a 5 year goal. 18) You aren’t afraid of being yourself, even if you have a dorky side. 19) You’re competitive, and I don’t mean you like to battle it out with your WoW buddies on the weekends. 20) You know how to dance. If you have a score of 30+ then please contact me immediately. If you scored between 20-30 pts, you can contact me, but I don’t have a lot of hope for our future relationship. If you did not score high enough, then please do not contact me, but if at some time in the future you are able to improve yourself and meet the minimum requirements, then you may re-apply. You MUST respond with your age (this is a creeper free zone, 20-26 year olds only please) and your picture. I thank you in advance for your application, however, only successful candidates will receive a response. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Wingwomen wanted – $30/hr
Wingwomen wanted! A wingwoman is a woman who goes into a social situation with the purpose of helping the guy or guys she is with meet women. This is actually an extremely easy and fun job, but many women find it so counter-intuitive that they simply cannot do it. The role is a wingwoman is to: -Relax, laugh, have a good time, and emanate a genuine, positive energy. -Recognize that her presence alone and her silence are often all that are needed! -Understand or be willing to learn the counter-intuitive principals of how men really attract women. This is not about you expressing your opinion on relationships, dating, how you think dating should take place, or offering advice. What it is about is getting paid to have a great time doing the most fun, exciting, easy job you have ever done! I am a classy professional who was part of a group in NYC that employed four part-time wingwomen for the past year. I have recently moved to San Francisco, and am looking to hire two part-time wingwomen to join me at cocktail parties, nights out at the best lounges and clubs, charity events, and other Bay Area happenings. My goal is to find a serious relationship with the right woman, and to have a lot of fun searching for her and meeting new people in the process. Please include a photo with your response. I look forward to hearing from you, and possibly to working with you! Compensation: $30/hr This is a part-time job. Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

The Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed
So there you are, suddenly single after fifteen years of faithful monogamy that came to a crashing halt when you discovered that the other partner felt that monogamy only applied to one of you, and it wasn t her. Now, despite the fact that you ve been a hard-working sole provider for a decade and a half and you technically own half of a really nice, big, house in the burbs, you find yourself sitting in an unfurnished crappy little two-bedroom apartment little bigger than the one you first moved into straight out of college. You have an old table with one chair, a beat up couch you got from your folks back in the early 90s and which they got in the 70s, a mattress with no frame, and thank god, a tv. (But that bitch wouldn t let you have the remote, would she?) You re not exactly at the top of your game, but what s worse is that you don t know where the kids will sleep. Yea, the kids. They still love you. They want to come and see you. They did nothing wrong. But now you have nowhere (other than the couch) for them to sleep. Sound familiar? Well then have I got a deal for you. Feast your eyes upon the Grinding Wheels of Justice Bunkbed. You see, it will get better. The wheels of karmic justice may grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine. You will reconstruct your ego, and your life. Then you ll slowly start having a social life. You ll fix some of those things about yourself you always wanted to fix but didn t have the time/energy because you were so busy being provider/husband/father. You ll meet a brilliant and gorgeous woman who, coincidentally, happens to be much younger than you. You ll fall in love. For her part, your ex will fall into bankruptcy, get all sorts of inappropriate tattoos, and basically ruin her own life without any help from you. But the first step to all of that is having somewhere for the kids to sleep. That s where the bunkbed comes in. As you can see from the picture, it s steel framed, relatively new, comes with two mattresses, and the bottom bunk is a couch until you pull it out into a futon. So here is the scale: If any or all of this applies to you, if you are the one who was cheated (male or female) on and you STILL had to move out and need somewhere for your kids to sleep: $75 and hell, I ll throw in some pillows for you. If you are a single mother or father, perhaps for other reasons, it s still a bargain at $100 If you are a young couple, working hard to make ends meet but doing pretty well, with your whole lives in front of you: $101 If you are the one who cheated in your marriage/partnership, the one who had to leave the house because you could not stop your libido from overruling your vows: $3,275. And I get to punch you in the face. In fact, I’ll probably do that anyway, on the principle of the thing. Location: Capitol Hill it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

You in the SNOW CAR
Yeah, YOU. Lazy, ignorant, non-snow-removing phucktard speeding through rush hour traffic on glare ice with 10% visibility. What is your major malfunction, dipshit? I see that you are driving a $40,000 luxury SUV, but you cannot afford a $5 snow brush? It makes me HOMICIDALLY ENRAGED when I see a fucking SNOWBANK with a small patch of hazed over windscreen clear, weaving in and out of heavy traffic, leaving a blizzard of powder in its wake. Sometimes, if they tromp on the gas, half the snow on the roof falls onto the car behind them. Ice encrusted wipers pump furiously to clear away the snow blowing back from their uncleared hood, and if they step on the brakes an avalanche will block their vision entirely. Fuck you, snow car . . . I want to kill you. I saw dozens of snow forts zooming around Downtown this morning. Because it is too much work to warm up your car for a few minutes while clearing the snow with a brush. And they are going to be late to punch in . . . again. Okay, phucktard, here is what you do. Stop popping those Prozacs, turn off your cellphone, and have a cuppa coffee. Then, go outside, clear the driver side door, open it, start your vehicle, turn the defrost on, relock your vehicle (with the spare key none of you yuppie fucks seem to have) and go back inside. Relax for a few minutes while the car warms up. Then, grab your broom and go out there and push the fucking 8″ of snow off the roof of your car! After that, you can clear the rest, using a snowbrush and scraper to get the areas the broom can’t do. There you go, nice squared away, warm vehicle with full visibility that will not be such a menace to every other motorist. Sometimes I try to visualize what you are doing inside the snow car. I see you listening to shitty music at full volume while balancing a bowl of breakfast cereal on your lap and texting a friend about where you’d like to get drunk after work. I despise you, snow car. And you should be thankful that anti-tank rockets are so hard to come by. Location: rebuilding my flamethrower it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Advice for all those nice guys – w4m
I’m a woman who has dated a lot of shitty assholes. Really, a lot. I have had many nice guy friends, and nice guy suitors, who I’ve failed to get excited about. And, believe me, I’ve tried. I beat myself up, decided I was a self-abusive wreck. But I’m not. I figured it out: Those assholes got my attention, my interest, not by being assholes. Not even by being particularly physically attractive (seriously, you should see some of these trolls and their poor personal hygiene!). No, they acted nice at the start, they were sweet, attentive, made nice shows of affection. The problem has been that the nice guys are so nice, and respectful, and considerate, that they’ve always given me space, aren’t pushy, and are just ten tons of sweet. It’s endearing, yes, but it doesn’t push all of the necessary buttons. When they go in for a kiss, it’s a short, quick one, not a long, passionate one where they pull me towards them and make my knees go weak. So, the assholes swoop in, give a show of nice, turn up the heat, and I swoon, and then it all goes horribly wrong, BECAUSE THEY’RE ASSHOLES. There’s no reason the nice guys can’t learn to do it, and still be nice. So, guys, (NICE guys): lean in close when I’m talking, be a little bit more aggressive, stare a little longer, grab me and kiss me passionately. Make me swoon over the RIGHT guy, for once. Please. Of course, I won’t actually know the difference until it turns out you’re still nice after a few months, but, fuck! wouldn’t that be a nice surprise? it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

The Best Crockpot Recipes For the Holidays
Crockpot recipes are ideal if you are planning parties for the holidays. Whether Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter or another occasion is imminent, having a crockpot can help you with the food planning and preparations. It is worthwhile investing in two or three slow cookers or even borrowing a couple from your friends. Taco Casserole in [...]

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 25th, 2010 at 10:33 pm and is filed under Classifieds News, Craigslist News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.